This term we have been looking at ways to make our writing more interesting for the reader.
We have used the following criteria to guide us:
- Changing the word order of a sentence
- Using literary devices such as metaphor, simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia and personification
- Using specific verbs and adjectives
- Using show, don’t tell techniques
- Using different sentence beginnings and lengths
Here are some examples of my writing this term.
Show Don’t Tell - Emotions
Excited: I am so excited because I'm going to an amusement park. I've been saving 3 months to go tomorrow to the amusement park , barely reaching opened my eyes to an impressive size and made me in the belly of emotion, when I went up to the roller coaster excitement made me raise my arms and screaming , I had never felt anything like this, but I loved it, felt like adrenaline going through my body.
Angry: I am so angry with my brother. I am so angry with my brother because he take my toys and he don’t want to return. I say my mum that but she don’t do nothing.the only thing that occurred to me at that time was shouting , my parents realized and put me in penance , as I watched the wall I imagined much hatred that could give my brother to give me my toy , I had cost me much work that my parents bought me and my brother now comes and he removed my toy.
Hungry: I am so hungry, two hours I should have eaten ago and I did not. I could feel my stomach screaming for food like a bear , had already spent two hours at lunch time and could not eat anything because I was helping my friend , we were in class and there was no way he can go buy something canteen , first due to the canteen it was closed and secondly because the teacher would not let me.
Writing with music
The instruments lost
The Orchestra Royal Concertgebouw is one of the more famous in the world.
One day the 12th of february to be exact they are invited to are in Boston Opera house. They can’t reject that opportunity, that is a very famous theater.
The night of the show Tim Fox (the manager of the group) didn’t know were the instruments were. He searched throughout the theater but nothing, the only person who knew where are the instrument is Amelia. But he had a problem, Amelia was at that moment in a plane going to New York. In three days the orchestra had another show and Amelia was figuring out all. They have not seen any person with so many instruments.
After what Tim finds made many calls he know a person who have the instruments. The only problem is instruments came in two hours and the show began in ten minutes. He calls to another manager and he can go for the instrument. Fifteen minutes later the orchestra can play the song.
The boy
Alone
It was a cold , dark night , I was already in bed , my parents had given me the kiss goodnight , I could not sleep , I had a bad feeling in the chest, all the time watching the clock , passing one minute, two and so on until a full hour has happened and I still could not sleep. When they had gone nearly two hours I hear the door open , at that moment my heart stopped , could hear my mom and dad were watching a movie in their room . Then steps up the stairs were heard , to make matters worse my room was in front of the stairs and I had the door open. All I did was cover my head ...........When I woke up was in the hospital , was shot in the chest. Doctors say it is a miracle that the bullet did not kill me , they say happened to a centimeter of the heart. It turns out that the man who had entered our house was a thief who for some strange reason wanted to kill us. Who had survived besides me was my mother, but unfortunately had to be taken a psychiatric hospital because they could not overcome. My father died and she turned crazy . To me they sent me to a shelter for orphans .One day I feel the nun knocks on the door of my room . Her name was Alice ( so far the best was me )
-these there josh ?
-Yes, what’s up?
-we have news for you
I was surprised not say that, every time the cook into something good to eat she had news that was what I thought.
-What happens? You do not get happy ?
which can be as important to put me happy?
-............................ She was quiet for a moment
-What happens????
- A family wants to adopt you
-what?
-It's a good opportunity josh
-I told you I want to stay here until my mom leaves the hospital
- Josh all know that your mother will not leave that place
- why do you say that?
- Because is the truth , your mother is in very poor condition, and if you want to see her any family has to take because you know that the orphanage can not take .....
Two weeks later I could go see my mother through the Garrot family adopted me , I live happily with them, have a dog named Lulo and is very playful , every Saturday will eat tacos at a Mexican restaurant and I am happy with them.
Viking Girl
I am very angry, my father told me not going me to buy vanilla ice cream that has been promising me almost two weeks ago , seems not to realize that I also have feelings and wanted much get ice cream with , we do not see nearly You never because of their work, have to travel to different countries and do research . Every time you go back takes a month and only two weeks left , after tomorrow it will go again, but will not be as usual , this time will be two months. I'm sad and angry at the same time .At that moment I heard the knock on the door : daughter are you okay? said , I did not answer you wanted to leave at that moment , and that was when I opened the door , get out of here do not want to see you anymore !!!! I yelled and shut the door. I did not mean .... I realized that after three days without speaking while he was already rising to the plane.
By: Pia
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